Much Evil
by shadows-of-flame
Summary: Mary Sues plus metal heads equals mess. Torn doesn't appreciate a Mary Sue that imitates him, so how will he get rid of the annoying brat? For the El Jay MS killing challenge.
1. Unhuman ultrahuman strength

Much Evil  
By shadows/of/flame aka red/nyte/dancer 

Warning. Pink ribbons. And make up.

This is for weiila, eyeslikesilk and funeralparty, because you can always have too many MS's...

* * *

Rain pattered against the window, and a pair of bright blue eyes slowly fluttered open, slowly being for added effect. 

Evian, whos name we know even though we have never met her, smacked her alarm clock and 'accidentally' knocked it to the floor.

"I didn't know I had so much strength!" she exclaimed piggishly, getting out of bed, unusually happy for one that had just woken up.

"No school today! WOOTAH!" she screamed, somehow quite miraculously managing to avoid waking up her whole household.

It took her a long time to choose what she was going to wear, probably because she knew she'd get described in an overly descriptive manner, as always.

...or so she thought. :)

She tied back her "lustrious, flaming red locks" into "an elaborate ponytail" and finally got dressed, switching on her PS2 while she looked in the mirror.

Who knew girls were multi tasked! And who knew that girls could switch on something several metres away AND look in the mirror at the same! Genius!

Evian wore a moonstone pendant around her neck that had been passed down through her family for centuries.  
Even though the first man to walk on the moon had only been about 50 odd years ago, and that it was illegal to take chunks of the moon for your own uses, Evian seemed to be ignorant to that fact and boasted about the pendant to everyone she came across.

Clunky (and undoubtedly ugly) bangles cluttered her wrists and ankles, and seems the mirror could not take anymore of her image, lets say she wore simple sneakers, jeans, a tank top, and pimples.

Turning her attention to her TV, she saw that it was slowly loading, and that it kept freezing at random places.

"Oh, damned thing!" she cursed, using the good ol' human self-repair method and smacked the PS2.  
A huge portal opened up in her screen, and she peered into it, suddenly remembering all of those fanfictions she'd read on the internet.

"I'm gonna be sucked into Jak 2! LIEK, YAY! FINALLY Lets go bonk Praxis, Krew, Jak, Torn, Erol, Sig, Damas and Kleiver like in the fanfics!"

Mar help her, as Torn would later say...

0o0o0

She awoke to a man standing over her, undoubtedly glaring at her. As her vision cleared, Evian discovered that she had A) woken up in a gutter (in the worlds general opinion, the best place in the world for her), and B) she was lying in the gutter by the Underground hideout.

Her clothing was untouched, as it was M4G1K, but she suffered many cuts and bruises that she no doubt would expect Torn to nurse back to health.

"Give me ONE good reason why I shouldn't blow your head right off your shoulders."  
She ignored the fact that Jak had been talking to this guy, shoved the poor soul back a couple of metres ("OMG! MY STRENGTH! WHOA!"), and stood in front of who she now saw was Torn, trying to make her eyes sparkle so he WOULDN'T blow her head off.

"You! Torn! Do you think I fell out of the sky for nothing? I want in the Underground!"

Torn glared at her, Evian's puppy dog eyes having absolutely no effect whatsoever on the hardened warrior.  
"Oh, sure! Whatever! It's a 'let-everyone-join-the-Underground-and-fall-in-love-with-Torn-day', isn't it?" he asked, his voice dripping with poison that could have killed a huge, giant, metal spider.

Evian's eyes watered - she had never been treated this way before.

"That is NOT going to work on me." Torn snapped.

She burst into floods of tears ("OH! My life! Torn's being m33n!"), and seems Torn and Jak had seen it so many times before, they ignored her until she stopped.

Which, _eventually_, she did.

The two men looked at her, wondering what her next move was.  
Suddenly... She flew at Torn, wrapping her arms around his waist, and he glared at her in disgust.

"Oh Torny, you didn't REALLY mean that!" she giggled. "You dog you!" and apart from not knowing what a dog was, Torn knew now that she would have to die. Slowly and painfully.

"I am NOT a dog." he snapped, getting irritable. "Get off me."  
"But--! Toooorny!"

Torn looked at Jak, and Jak could only look back sympathetically.  
"Hey! You like pretty pink ribbons and make up Torny?"

"I-AM-NOT-TORNY." the second in command hissed, knowing his fuse was lit and growing shorter every second.  
The person that was possibly going to save Haven City from utter doom was standing there - not the annoying girl that was latched onto him, the blond boy and his rat - and this... (_'Mary Sue, that seems appropriate.'_ Torn decided sarcastically), was going to blow it.

Jak couldn't help but snicker. _'Make up... Hehehe. What a poor sucker.'_ the blond mused, watching the events unfold in front of him.

"Hehe, tattooed wonder here looks like he wants to drop kick his littl' girlfriend off the nearest cliff." Daxter sneered.  
You could have fried a Flut-Flut egg on Torn's face at that comment.

"Every time I played Jak III, I died exactly the way you did every time Torn." Evian gushed, and Torn almost shuddered at the thought.  
Besides, what was Jak III? When had he died? If he'd died, he'd be dead already.

A nasty grin spread over Jak's face, and he leant over to whisper in Torn's ear.  
"If she'll die everytime you do, try faking your death so she kills herself?" he suggested, and the ex-commander's face could not have been more evil.

"Hey, Evian, wanna go hunt some Metal Heads together?"

* * *

Will prolly be continued :D 


	2. Fanfiction rule 8394!

Much Evil  
Chapter 2  
By shadows/of/flame

Thanks everyone:) Evian shall die soon, by reviewer's request... but there will be lots more brainhurting before that unfortunately XD

* * *

"Metal Heads? I didn't know you liked killing them Torny!" Evian exclaimed, her grip on Torn's arm becoming stronger.  
He could have sworn his hands were going blue from lack of blood to them.

Jak and Daxter were still very amused by this pigheaded girl, and they hadn't quite tired of watching her make Torn angry time after time.

"Hey... did anyone else notice what her name is backwards?" Daxter hissed to Jak, and a smirk made it's way onto the renegade's face.

"Come on, Metal Heads don't kill themselves." Torn muttered, and Evian squealed loudly in his ear.  
"OMFG! I'm going METAL HEAD HUNTING WITH TOOOORNYYYY! YAAAY!" she squealed, again, right in his ear, and the poor elf reminded himself to take earmuffs of some description along...

"We'll wait here for you guys to come back, if you don't mind." Jak snerked, exiting as quickly as possible without getting burnt into ashes by Torn, and Tess only too happily let them into the Underground despite Torn's rather loud groans of protest.

"Make sure all your safety gear's on before we go Torny! It's oh so dangerous out there, what with all the metal heads and all. I don't want my littl' dah-ling to get boo-boos!" Evian simpered, releasing one of her arm's grips on Torn for a moment...

...he breathed a sigh of relief as he took to getting her other filthy human hand off him...

...when she patted him on the head!1!

He froze as she repeated the action several times, his dreadlocks wanting to crawl off his head in protest.  
Now she would have to suffer, and suffer good.

Torn knew if the Underground actually had windows, Jak and Daxter would be peering out the windows laughing at him.  
He had a large desire for a shower now, as he was sure the Mary Sue carried some sort of evil, festering disease.

"Come on Torny! Let's go!" she giggled, dragging him to a zoomer with her oh-so-unhuman ultra human strength.  
A lot of people noticed this strange girl who was lacking in elven ears, and started whispering.

What was she doing in Haven City?  
Where were her pointed ears?

Needless to say, she was ridiculed a lot, and of course, she got very upset about that and clung to Torn tearfully.  
He wished he could just shoot her in the head and get it over with.

But she would have to suffer a more long and slow death than that. The Mary Sue had caused him too much misery to have a quick and painless death, so, unfortunately, he would have to endure her germs longer.

The more he suffered, the more she did later on. A fair trade, as long as disinfectant was not too far out of reach once she was take care of.

"We're here." the ex-commander muttered gruffly, prying himself from her grip and unsuccessfully trying to get off the zoomer without falling over. He knocked Evian down with him, and she started giggling.

"Ooohhhh! Toooorny, you beast you!"  
Torn resisted the urge to bitch slap her. "Ashelin's the only one for me." he hissed, getting up and sticking a gun in her face.

His short fuse had nearly completely fizzled out, and Evian was grating severely on his patience.  
"But, Tooorny!" her bottom lip wobbled in protest to this act of violence, and tears started streaming out of her eyes.

He hadn't know tears could stream until that very moment. "Just go back home, you stupid sook." he snapped, shutting her up momentarily.  
"I am NOT a sook! But the fanfictions say that I have to admit I am and make him feel sorry!" she whispered too loudly, and Torn pretended with all his might that he hadn't just heard that.

He pulled a mega huge rifle out of the zoomer's trunk, and dropped it into her hands.  
She had only just stood up, but the rifle was so damned heavy she nearly fell over again.

"That's what you're hunting the metal heads with. Can we get going now?" Torn asked irritably, wondering how quickly this could have been done if he'd just blown her head off from the start.

"But Torny! It's far too heavy for my delicate Mary Sue fingers!" she whined, her high pitched tone breaking windows several miles away.  
"That's the only gun I brought along besides my own, sorry." Torn replied with a smirk, securing his earplugs in before loading his two pistols.

"Why can't I use yooooour guuuuun?" she whinged, breaking a few more windows. Torn, however, was now thankfully immune to the high pitched squeal.  
But, the whinging soon turned to crying, which didn't work, and breaking things, which hurt her more than it hurt him.

Torn started boredly walking towards the forests' main metal head nest, and Evian soon realised she was being left behind.

"HEY! Fanfiction rule number 8394! No leaving the hot female love interest behind! HEEEY! ARE YOU LISTENING!" she screamed, and Torn shot and killed an invisible metalhead that was lurking behind her left ear.

"Did you say something?" he smirked, knowing that hunting with her would be more fun than he thought.

"N...nope. Hey! I said WAIT UP!"

_'I knew her being quiet was too good to be true...'_

* * *

Part 3 - When Metal Heads actually decide to do favours for people.  
Coming soon to a computer screen near you... 


End file.
